October is here, and the newness of the school year has started to wear off, and this is often when parents begin to notice that something isn't quite working.
Maybe homework has become a nightly battle. Maybe getting your child out of bed in the morning has become increasingly difficult. Maybe you're hearing, “I hate school,” or “I don't want to go today.” Maybe they are not gelling with their teacher the way they did last year. Maybe this year’s teacher is not a good fit.
When you start noticing those signals, it's easy to immediately ask, “How do I fix this?”
Instead, ask: “What is this telling me?”
As someone who is severely dyslexic, I know firsthand how challenging school can be when the way you're being taught doesn't match the way you learn. I've experienced some of the same frustrations that students experience today, and I know how easily a struggle in one area can begin to affect everything else.
The important thing is to look beneath the behavior.
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Homework Time
For many families, homework is where the struggle becomes most visible. Your child may spend hours at the table, but very little actually gets accomplished.
Before assuming your child needs to work harder, ask what might be getting in the way.
- Is the work too difficult? Are they struggling to understand the material?
- Is it too easy? Are they disengaged because they aren't being challenged?
- Do they have the organizational or executive-function skills to manage the assignment independently?
- Do they know how to get started, break a large assignment into smaller pieces, or manage their time?
- Have repeated struggles begun to affect their confidence?
The same behavior—avoiding homework—can have very different causes. And the solution depends on understanding the cause.
School Anxiety and Avoidance
For other children, the hardest part of the day is simply getting to school.
“I hate school.”
“I don't want to go today.”
“My stomach hurts.”
It can be tempting to see these statements as avoidance or simply a child not wanting to do something difficult. But they can also be signals that something deeper is going on.
Ask what is underneath the feeling.
- Is there bullying or another social issue?
- Is there a particular class or part of the school day that feels overwhelming?
- Have they lost confidence academically?
- Are the expectations exceeding the support they have to meet them?
Avoidance is often a signal that something isn't working. Our job as adults is to understand what that something is.
What to Do
Start by getting curious, not corrective.
Listen to your child beyond their words
Try to understand what feels difficult. Ask your student what it is about school that makes them feel unsafe or does not inspire them. Ask them what isn’t working.
As a parent, ask yourself: Does your child feel nurtured and supported at school or are they constantly trying to keep their head down, avoid bullies, and protect themselves from negative interactions? No child should have to navigate an environment where they feel unsafe, dread seeing certain classmates, or believe they have to brace themselves for the day.
It’s not always the current school’s fault. In classrooms of 25-30 students, it can be difficult for teachers to see every interaction or understand everything a child is experiencing.
Talk with the school. Ask teachers and administrators what they are seeing. Is your child engaged in class? Where are they succeeding? Where are they struggling? Are you seeing the same things at home that the school is seeing during the day? You need both perspectives to understand the whole picture.
Look beyond the child. We often assume that when a child is struggling, the child is the problem that needs to be fixed. But sometimes the issue is the environment—the pace, the expectations, the teaching approach, the amount of support, or simply whether the child feels known and understood.
And sometimes, the answer is that your child needs something different.
More individualized attention. A different pace. More challenges. More support. A different learning environment. Mutual curiosity, understanding, and a willingness to see things differently.
That doesn't mean anyone has failed. It means you've learned something important about what your child needs to thrive.
If you're curious about what a different educational environment might look like, come see the Clark difference at our All-School Open House on Saturday, November 7, at 9:30 a.m. Meet our teachers, tour the classrooms, talk with students, and see how we approach learning at Clark.
You may come with questions about your child's education. You may simply come to see what's possible. Either way, we'd love to meet you
Details:
- All School Open House
- Saturday, November 7th, 9:30 am
- 14 Forest Ridge Drive, Rowley, MA
- To RSVP: https://www.clarkschool.com/admissions-events
